New Place
I have already let go of my 2006. I stand in a new place looking for new faces and embrace a journey through change. I brought in the New Year with a good old hockey game, the battle of Alberta. Oilers versus Flames in Calgary. I was with my papa and sista's, all sporting the old and new and even pink oiler jerseys. We lost, but we seemed to be the only ones plus a few other oiler fans that knew how to have a good time and enjoy the night.
Then I drove that night up to Edmonton. I wanted to be with my heroins, my peeps, my edmonton family. For the first week of January, I met new faces and prepared myself to let the old faces go.
A few things I learned about myself over the holiday blitz.
1. I don't feel that I deserve to be in any kind of relationship. I deserve only to be admired when I can return the admiration.
2. I really want to be free from this idea that I am an object of pleasure, curiosity, or play.
3. My heart has healed.
4. My job is stressful because I take on what is usually spread among four people. Not the workload, neccessarily, but the skills and expectations.
5. I am two-spirited. It is not the woman that I love, it is the person I desire. That said, I am truely and unshamefully attracted to the gentle kiss of a lady's lips.
6. I love my family. Even if I haven't seen them in years, it is an awkward unspoken truth of love that I have for my family.
7. There is no turning back...I know what I want and I now know who I need in my life to fulfill my highest truth.
8. My body is my temple. I will eat well, drink to celebrate, stay strong, and love those who come close.
9. You are my teacher. I learn about myself through experiences with you.
10. Unconditional love is not impossible, however, it is almost impossible to understand.
posted by CarlySteiger @ 9:32 PM
8 comments
8 Comments:
Unconditional love seems to be a tricky and contradicting endeavour. The very word makes it conditional. How does one deal with “what if this love ends”? It may not end, but the very question starts laying barriers, boundaries, and non-negotiables onto the relationship. To prevent thinking of the end, usually because our limited vision and faith, compromises begin. And the end begins.
Is it possible to have a journey filled with mutual admiration and no expectations? And how do you know your highest need NOW? What if it changes? What would Ishmael do?
-DA
You, my friend, have a lot of questions or more respectfully, challenges.
I feel that love can't really end. A relationship between two lovers may certainly part, but love may still exist. Do you love any of your ex's? Have you ever experienced love? To continue to love someone with no expectations is not an easy journey, but if mutual, it is certainly rewarding, in the long run.
I know my needs now, because my mind is present and aware. Of course, my needs will change because I am open and accept growth.
For me, unconditional love is the leaver in Ishmael.
Are you upset by my post? or my anonymity? In either case I am only a Distant Admirer. I am not playing games. I just want to know you. Know you as you are, with no other connections. Know you because you are you.
Carly, do you have a girlfriend??? just a question!
I am single and loving it. I really enjoy dating and learning about myself through others. It's important for me to see all the beautiful people out there and never settle for a lesser beauty than what I've already experienced. This will for sure spark my next entry. Thank you.
hmmmmm.... you are a bold one, Carly Steiger. I've never come across anyone so bold as to assume one is an object of pleasure, curiousity, and play. Would that say something about the company you keep? I am also curious about exactly what you meant by being two-spirited?
-PD
Why do you feel you must approve the comments folks leave on your blog entries? Are you afraid of what they might write? It says there that I am your teacher and that you learn about yourself through experiences with me. That you approve and deny comments people might have to prevent others from perhaps thinking differently; and, in the same breath, portraying yourself to be quite liberal and open-minded... seems a little hypocritical to me.
Just an observation from some anonomous blog surfer. No offence was intended. Of course, now I'm curious as to what you will decide to do with my comments?
-PD
Yo PD!
Interesting discussion..What does boldness have to do with those assumptions? Irrespective of the company one keeps, the "assumptions" could be the emotional remanants of the interactions. If Carly Steiger feels that she has been an object of play, curiosity, and pleasure, then.. that is what she feels. How can you or I presume to challenge what she feels if we have not walked in her shoes.. even if.. Even IF.. she may be wrong?
-DA
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